Someone said to me this week that we walk with one foot in sorrow and one foot in joy. With joy comes sorrow. And my life has been full of joy. But today, this moment, I feel sorrow. Deep, abiding, wrenching, fist-clenching sorrow.
sor·row /ˈsärō/
Noun: A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.
And as I pour over this sinking sorrow, a song’s lyrics came on a breath and have been ringing through the hollowed out part in my chest.
Healing is in Your Hands
by Christy Nockels
No mountain, no valley, no gain or loss we know
could keep us from Your love
No sickness, no secret, no chain is strong enough
to keep us from Your love
to keep us from Your love
How high, how wide
No matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong,
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands
Our present, our future, our past is in Your hands
We’re covered by Your blood
We’re covered by Your blood
How high, How wide
no matter where I am, healing is in Your hands
How deep, How strong
And now by Your grace I stand, healing is in Your hands
In all things, we know that.
We are more than conquerors.
You keep us by your love.
You keep us by your love.
No sickness.
No secret.
No chain is strong enough.
And sickness can be fatal. Secrets can break our hearts. Chains can keep us in bondage.
But God’s love. Jesus’ sacrifice. Divine intercession by the Spirit. God is above me listening, Jesus carrying me, and the Spirit is groaning for my deep and gauging sorrow. I stagger under the weight of brokenness. I fall to my knees. I beg without voice, without words, without thinking… I beg.
And God hears and knows and loves and loves and loves. When my tears have run through my hands and washed my feet, God loves. When my body heaves under the grief, God loves. When the lies play to my heart, God loves and whispers, asking me not to believe. And because He loves, I will conquer. I will make it through this day. He is keeping me by His love. His love is deep and strong and wide and long and high. And this is how, if we look, we can find the joy in the storm of suffering. God as man came to earth and knows the pain of living in this world-
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Isaiah 53:3 NIV
this world full of sin and stain. The sins that lead to death. Sin that silences reason and truth and conscience. Sins that allow us to justify and believe we are ok. Everyone is doing it. No one will know. And if anyone knows, will they care?
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We’re all like sheep who’ve wandered off and gotten lost.
We’ve all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we’ve done wrong,
on him, on him. Isaiah 53:3-6 The Message
Jesus, carrier of our sins, lover of our souls. Sweet, sweet Jesus knows the pain of heart ache, grief, loss, death. He knows. He loves. Man of sorrows, giver of life, healing, hope, joy. In the darkness, I open my hands and call to You to take the next step with me. Heal what’s broken, reconcile, reshape and make full and perfect. Bring your glory and redeem this ugly mess.
Let my next step be joy.