Roads Taken

Here we are again, heading out of town for an appointment at Shriners Hospital, St. Louis.

And I anticipate good news.

 

I spent time looking at pictures of my little baby boy-  I have very few pictures of him during his darkest days.  I took initial pictures of him with the first cast on, but that was on my phone…  the phone that later fell in the toilet.  And I didn’t have a camera other other than the one on my phone so very few exist besides pictures friends or neighbors took at the time.  And those were on the computer that was stolen a year ago.

And maybe that’s just as it should be.  The memories are still very real and raw.

 

Fast forward and we are on the road again to Shriners Hospital; but this time with a light heart and a healthy boy.  We are finished with maintenance medication and have been free from drugs for 6 full months.  A good report for our family and for our little baby.

 

And as I remember how far we’ve come, how dark the nights were, how many times I begged God to hear my cry and heal my son, I now think of those mothers who are still in that place of shadows.  Of questions unanswered, living in faith, hoping and believing for the healing to come.  The mothers with empty arms and empty wombs, undiagnosed issues, unfound cures.  And it hurts to know that so many moms are in the dark place where I’ve stood.

 

Today, I pray for you.

Summer Sun-kissed Sweetness and Friendship

The heat is oppressive and the pool beckons each afternoon.  Temperatures are now in the three digits consistently, meaning- if you are outside, you gotta be in water.  Sunscreen bottles, beach towels, goggles, and floaties litter the laundry room countertops and the babies smell of coconut and chlorine much of the day.

We’ve been on a few vacations and had daddy home almost the entire summer thus far.  The kids stopped asking, “are you going to be home tomorrow daddy?” a few weeks back.  We are spoiled with the riches of family time and looking ahead to the busy school year already pricks my heart with the loneliness to come.  This summer season has been full- full of love, laughter, togetherness and I love it.

Today I’m thankful for friends.

 

  1. 214. friends whom I miss
  2. 215. friends who are sisters
  3. 216. friends who listen to me and know my heart
  4. 217. friends who enjoy coffee beside a pool
  5. 218. friends who love my children
  6. 219. friends who believe in me
  7. 220. friends who are nearby
  8. 221. friends who laugh long with me and occasionally at me
  9. 222. friends who give me good advice
  10. 223. friends who share their problems
  11. 224. friends who stop by unannounced
  12. 225. friends who call
  13. 226. friends who share what they have, even when it hurts a little
  14. 227. friends who see through me and love me just the same
  15. 228. friends who send letters
  16. 229. friends who remember my birthday
  17. 230. friends to sing with
  18. 231. friends who know I cry a lot and just let me be

205. Butterflies

I’ve been counting my blessings more and more often.  I do wish I had more time to write them down, but they are little treasures I hold on to in the moment and replace each day as a new and beautiful blessing arrives….

for they are new every morning.  Great is Thy faithfulness!

 

Contentment sweeps over me as I learn gratitude.  I thank my good Father and dearest husband for providing a beautiful life for me and I pray more and more often that I not squander what I’ve been given.  What I wish for most often is silence and solitude- and a little more time to be still.  Motionless.  Meditative.

 

I’ve been deeply touched by friendship and love and I see how far I’ve come.  The journey twists and turns, often plummeting but even in darkness I am not alone.  And I would be missed and a search party would be launched to find me behind vacant eyes.  But the light shines brightly just now and I my senses are heightened.  Emotions are sharp as I consider the loss of a friend, the redemption of a brother, the arms of a lover.  My eyes are wide open to the beauty of my world and love of my children, my many gifts, laid out daily upon this life.

 

So today I count again and write them down, little witnesses to the joys of today when sorrows draw near tomorrow.

 

  1. 206. Peacock feathers, iridescent and each unique, flutter on my mantle
  2. 207. Shrimp Serviche for lunch
  3. 208. a neighbor I call a friend
  4. 209. noisy chickens to wake me in the morning
  5. 210. a neighborhood pool to splash away an afternoon
  6. 211. floaties
  7. 212. tadpoles swimming in a fishbowl
  8. 213. long talks with my husband
  9. 214. new curriculum arriving in the mail
  10. 215. favorite summer skirt worn for the first time this year
  11. 216. Little Women and the lessons learned
  12. 217. a breezy porch
  13. 218. coffee in my red chairs
  14. 219. zinnias peeking out
  15. 220. mexican sunflowers, hearty enough to be transplanted
  16. 221. tomatoes on the vine
  17. 222. fluffy beach towels that always smell like sunscreen
  18. 223. little people in swimming suits
  19. 224. surgeons with skill
  20. 225. laughter of my mother-in-law
  21. 226. storm shelters
  22. 227. doggie play dates
  23. 228. ice cream cones for dripping down chins
  24. 229. tillers for borrowing
  25. 230. strawberries for eating with cake and whipping cream
  26. 231. my beautiful bicycle
  27. 232. old friends and long talks
  28. 233. Colossians
  29. 234. swift and happy breeze through open windows
  30. 235. tank tops
  31. 236. people who are willing to listen to God and follow
  32. 237. prayers requested
  33. 238. hearts changed
  34. 239. twins
  35. 240. grandmother’s green eyes

Birthday Baby

May 12, 2011

My baby turned five today.

And it was hard.

Real hard.

 

He amazes me and I laugh everyday because of him.  He fills me with joy and fear and gratitude for the angels that hover over him each moment.  He is brave and strong, fearless and daring.  He is a bull.  He is a talker.  He is loving and tries very hard to be obedient.  He surprises me with compliments and hugs and I treasure his sweet kisses.

 

And in so many ways I hope he grows up to be like his daddy.  I pray he lives to be an aged man with a family to surround him long after I am gone.  I hope his sisters will be faithful and good sisters to him and that their relationship will flourish and provide life-giving comfort and security.  I pray that I will be the mommy I need to be to encourage and enable, to show him God’s world and calling, and provide the loving nest he’ll need when disappointments come.

Jack, you are a little man already.  The way you walk and talk.  The way you gravitate to monster trucks and legos and how you are covered in dirt and sweat at the end of each day.  I love the way you ask me to pray with you at night and the way you let me kiss your hurts away.  I love the smell of your hair and how your little buns look in pj’s, how you snuggle me every so often and write me non-sensical but meaningful letters.  You walk like your daddy and stand like him too.  You eat with gusto and have a natural sense of comic timing.  You are animated and hilarious when you want to be and people love you.  You have definite opinions already about which underwear to wear, when forced to wear underwear, and I LOVE that about you- you prefer camo over robots and sea creatures.  Our neighbors all know your name and seem to appreciate your visits.

You call me “The best Cooker Lady in the World” and I laugh each time, feeling very good.  Your favorite foods right now are hot dogs, beans, and oatmeal.  You don’t like to eat things that are white (mayonnaise, whipped cream, sour cream, potatoes,  yogurt) with the exception of vanilla ice cream.   You sing.  You sing about the Lord everyday and I’m sure He delights as we do.  You pray about tornadoes and burglars and you always remember to say “thank you”.

You pounce on your daddy the minute he walks in and try to take him down.  I know you get frustrated because he always wins, but someday, you’ll be able to beat your daddy.  I know it.  We enjoy you, son.  We pet you when you’re asleep and mourn the day when your white hair will turn dark.  You are beautiful.  You are magical.  Your daddy and I would never have believed how we would love you.  We do love you.  Ever so much.

garden

Spring is here and with it brings open windows, cool breezes, fresh wind through my soul.  Winter seemed especially long and now the mornings dawn clear and warm.  The sun has warmed my skin and i’m kissed with pink.

Calvin is finally home for the summer break and we couldn’t be more delighted.  We are currently tackling the backyard which has sadly fallen into despair.  Between a puppy and chickens, we have holes and trash just everywhere.  It may take days and even weeks to get the yard pulled back together, but the sweetness is that it takes the hands of everyone to make it happen.  I love watching little Jack hauling loads of branches and waste to the truck with his daddy.  As he passes me has shouts and encouraging word, “good work, mom!” and “we’re doing a great job, right mom?”  Yes, little man.  There is good work here in our hearts and in our home.

Little Jack turns five on Thursday and it takes me by surprise.  I catch myself wanting to weep a bit over his bigness.   Hard working, hard playing, hard loving.  He is full of life, spirit, courage.  I stand amazed as I witness his undying energy.  The energy of a boy.  There is no one like him and I feel so awed to be his mommy.

 

There is good work in my heart too.  I’ve been reading more about the Holy Spirit.  I’ve just picked up Beth Moore’s book, Praying God’s Word and it seems all the chapters can apply to my walk with the Lord.  I am encouraged.  I am whole.   And I revel in a God who is so much greater than my in adequate words can express.  The blessings of my life rain down and I lose count.  I’m making lists.  I’m writing down thoughts.  I’m listing my prayers and petitions and there is God who listens to it all.  There is a Spirit who intercedes and has power.  And I’m thankful.

 

My list for this week:

ask for belief

continually repent

call on the Holy Spirit

memorize the Word

pray continually

be specific

confess my sins

seek the fruits of the Spirit

practice discipline- especially self-control

know I need a Savior

lay down my burdens

teach my children

remember Christ’s yoke- it’s easy, not a crushing burden of religious system of works, requiring us to please Him.  His is a new yoke, a new law, a new way of fulfilling the Scriptures by loving one another and by recognizing our Savior and receiving the gift of the Spirit.

lay down self

love my neighbor

count my blessings

 

 

  1. 184. my mother
  2. 185. my mother-in-law
  3. 186. my mother friends
  4. 187. my mothering friends
  5. 188. soil to work
  6. 189. dirty hands and sweaty foreheads
  7. 190. fresh strawberries
  8. 191. grilled chicken breast
  9. 192. a sleepy puppy laying at my feet
  10. 193. old, tattered quilts
  11. 194. yellow flowers
  12. 195. tomato plants
  13. 196. the smell of rosemary wafting through open windows
  14. 197. bluegrass music
  15. 198. garage sales and good books
  16. 199. a new gate on the chicken run
  17. 200. my neighbor
  18. 201. a new yellow watering can
  19. 202. the promise of a nap
  20. 203. a good book waiting
  21. 204. book club tonight

spring

  1. 163. warm sunshine streaking through my window
  2. 164. the cluck of chickens outside my window
  3. 165. the laughter trickling through screens
  4. 166. homemade see saws and slides
  5. 167. reading lists made ready for summer break
  6. 168. play dates in the park
  7. 169. hula hoops running around my waist
  8. 170. neighbors who call for a half cup of milk
  9. 171. school ending
  10. 172. wildflowers planted
  11. 173. tulips blooming
  12. 174. my red chairs outside my front door
  13. 175. new haircuts
  14. 176. “normal” results on bloodwork
  15. 177. reconciliation
  16. 178. forgiveness of spouses
  17. 179. Charlie the Frog
  18. 180. my washing machine and dryer
  19. 181. garage sale season
  20. 182. picking up a new book
  21. 183. finishing an interesting read
  22. 184. peacock feathers

145. Home

I’ve been away.  I’ve been working.  And it’s reminding me how much I love to be home.  To have my babies around me, busy, laughing, messing, creating.  The sun is pouring through the front windows and the school table is a complete wreck.  I’ve just finished folding two loads of laundry and I’m off to make our lunch.

Thomas the Train is spread through out the living room and I hear the soft, sweet play mumblings of Jack as he rolls the trains around the track, crashing them off bridges and round corners.  He crawls and scoots, stands and admires, scratches and begins again, naming engines as they charge out of the station.  I remember the day I realized that he had somehow learned the names of each of his Thomas trains: Spencer, Jack, Daisy, Toby, Ben, Percy….  He wasn’t reading.  We didn’t have a television.  How did he know the names?  He didn’t know his colors even, but he knew the names of his trains.  I found this startling and verging on miraculous.  Some of his first words were the names of his beloved trains.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to part with these guys.

 

And so today, as the clock ticks down to my time to leave, I am watching and waiting.  I’m listening and whispering thanks.

Thanks for:

  1. 146. Thomas trains
  2. 147. school table
  3. 148. sharpened pencils
  4. 149. unkempt curls
  5. 150. pajamas
  6. 151. hot coffee
  7. 152. rays of sunlight sprinkling my front garden
  8. 153. George Winston
  9. 154. bookshelves filled
  10. 155. chalk dust littering my corner
  11. 156. weekend projects lined up
  12. 157. plants to water
  13. 158. magazines, filled with inspiration, on my desk
  14. 159. temporary jobs
  15. 160. a good book waiting on me tonight
  16. 161. money in the bank
  17. 162. the first peek of my daffodils, planted 3 months ago

 

my heart wonders at the gifts of my life.  silently I call out thanksgiving and soak in the contentedness of my situation.  today, i am here.  I am home.

amy teague

918.619.2646

 

Tulsa, Oklahoma