t’s been a long winter.  December’s busy has slowed and faded; the twinkle lights have been boxed and January’s new has come and gone.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, the mass marketed holiday to encourage Halmark card sales and death by chocolate.  And the left over snow litters my lawn with the warmer temperatures.  My bones are tired of the chill and my feet are longing to go bare.  My nest needs to be aired out and cleaned from ceiling to baseboard, light fixture to door mat.

The world’s palette is shades of grey and my heart aches for the glory of Spring.  The seeds, thoughtfully gathered at the close of Fall, are tucked safely away in their little packets and whisper to me when I gaze upon my barren garden.

New life.

New hope.

New heart.

My body is changing and physically I feel stronger, my back more stable, less ache in my shoulders and ankles.

And I am seeking Christ and His beauty.  I’m finding Him in the shadows of my heart.  I hear his voice in the innocence of my babes and the loveliness of His word.

I want His words to sink into me.  I want deep roots of faith and all the comes from a life united with His mercies.  I want to see the wonder in the laundry and the dishes, in the changing of bed linens and the cleaning of mirrors and windows.

I need Him to take residence in my heart and for His goodness to spill from my mouth- words to heal what’s broken and grow up the strong and humble.

I yearn to be light and salt in quiet stillness, changed, transformed, made over and new, giving evidence of His power, His passion, His unending grace.

And so today, with the winds changing and Spring a breath away, I confess to pride and anger.  The bitter roots of ugly which have taken hold and grown a vine, offensive and stubborn, in need of a violent eradication.

I lay it out here in hope and expectation of a healing wind to blow through the web-  unhook from my rattling ribs and release it with my next exhale….

I want to be His friend, for Him to recognize me me and call me by my name; my name meaning “loved one”.

Master Gardener, Father of time and earth, Creator and Physician, weed my soul, my heart, my mind and sow the seeds of goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, joy, peace, patience and self-control.  Call me to my knees and do Your good work me me.  Fill me with words on which to meditate day and night, that I may take delight in You.  Prosper the work of my hands.  Plant me in rich soil and next to Your life-giving streams so the the bloom of my tree will not whither and fade.  Tend me.

Strengthen me in the mundane.  The every day.  Allow Your fruit to be seen by others- namely my husband and my children.

I beg you for wisdom and for discipline.  Help me.  Help me. I fail every moment. Help me to get up and try again.  You are a God of glorious second chances, of scandalous generousity.  Wash over me with new mercies every day, in the tomorrows not yet come.  Call to mind that You are already there.  Help me in my weariness, cleanse the tears in my eyes so that I may see You and praise you.